A lot of couples have admitted to experiencing a sexless marriage after a baby comes. Isn’t it ironic how a couple would desire a baby and grow apart when the baby eventually comes?
But, it is no fault of theirs. There are lots of factors that contribute to a sexless marriage after a baby. We’ll explore the factors in this article, as well as the solutions to them. Come with us!
- 1 Factors That Cause Sexless Marriage After A Baby Arrives
- 2 How To Deal With Sexless Marriage After A Baby
- 3 Wind Up
Factors That Cause Sexless Marriage After A Baby Arrives
1. Shift in Attention
Before the baby is born, couples are interested only in themselves. They’d have all the time in the world to explore the things that fascinate them. They’d be able to be hopeless romantics as much as they want.
But all of these begin to change the moment the baby arrives. The couple might not be able to spend a lot of time in the shower together when there’s a baby to tend.
They’d have to let go of the long cuddles and kisses sometimes. You may be wondering why is this so? It’s a simple answer. The presence of the baby steals most of their attention.
They’d try to do everything within their powers to ensure that the baby is well cared for. In the long run, this shift in attention would lead to a sexless marriage.
2. Poor Sex Drive
Studies show that a lot of women experience a drop in their sex drive after the baby is born. This is another great cause of sexless marriage after a baby. This poor sex drive would cause them to have less sex with their partners.
Not that they do not want all of that intimacy, rather, it is because the passion for it is no longer there. This low sex drive has been attributed to postpartum depression and the workings of some hormones.
3. Poor Self-Esteem
Women care a lot about their outward appearance, which is why they take great delight in making themselves look as gorgeous as they desire. Childbirth has a way of stealing that gorgeousness.
A woman’s body goes through a lot of changes with childbirth. From the sagging breasts to the stretch marks, extra body fat, and even the increased body size.
Some women’s bodies go back to normal after some time. But for some, that never happens. Some women lose confidence in their bodies after childbirth while some begin to feel so unattractive that they begin to deprive their partner of sex.
Time plays a great role in the lack of sex in a marriage after a baby. Everyone requires some amount of time. Sex and that bedroom chemistry you and your partner use to have, requires some time too. The presence of a baby could steal this time.
Read Also: Is It Ok If I Breastfeed My Husband?
How To Deal With Sexless Marriage After A Baby
1. Get a Nanny
No parent would be comfortable with having sex while the baby cries or throws tantrums. It would be miserable to stop a passionate session of lovemaking abruptly because the baby wakes up while you’re at it.
Getting a nanny or a babysitter could help you solve this problem. Let the nanny handle your baby while you enjoy your partner and hit the climax. That way, no one is affected.
2. Understand Your Partner’s Needs
A woman’s body goes through a series of changes after childbirth. These changes could influence her likes and preferences a great deal.
She might find her favorite sex positions exhausting, she might not like the way you used to touch her before childbirth anymore. Engage your partner in deep sexual conversations and find out her new needs and preferences. Doing this would make sex more fun for you both.
3. Fuel the Desire
With the stress that comes with nurturing a baby, you might have to work extra hard at having good sex with your partner. Learn to fuel your desires, don’t have sex just because you want to get off and go.
Take your time and build the desire. How do you build the desire? You can do it by making the scenery and atmosphere more romantic than usual.
Try out new things, explore deeply with the love-making activities, make the touches more sensual and mind-blowing. Desire building is one of the best recipes for great lovemaking.
4. Stick To Your Schedule
Before the arrival of the baby, sex with your partner was quite spontaneous, right? You won’t be able to maintain all that spontaneity after childbirth. You’d have to make some adjustments to include your baby.
Keep a schedule of when the baby is usually not awake and you don’t have other business to attend to. You must plan this precious time when you are not under any family obligation and stick to the schedule.
You could also let someone take care of your baby so you can stick to the reminder. Doing this can help you get your sex life back
5. Add Some Fire
Sex is a lot of fun when it isn’t a routine. Routine is boring, especially after the baby comes. Instead of locking yourselves up in your bedroom, as usual, you could try out quickies on the kitchen table.
You could also go out to a hotel or a fun and quiet place. Shaken things up, you’d find yourself enjoying sex more.
6. Nurture the Baby Together
Don’t make your partner feel all alone when caring for the baby. Nurture it together. You could feed the baby while your partner bathes.
You could also change diapers and wash baby clothes. Nurturing the baby together would help you bond better with the baby as parents. You would also bond better as a couple. This would make sex more enjoyable for you both.
7. Keep an Eye on Doors
Most babies do not understand what the word privacy means. A lot of them are not aware that it is improper to open a door without knocking on the door first.
So, it’s best advised to lock your bedroom door. There might be situations when your children are in deep sleep, and there is no chance of them getting up. Still, we recommend you take precautions. You never know.
Just stick to the plan and get those doors locked in to avoid any surprise visits. By doing this, you’re ensuring that you and your partner have enough time to get back to your normal self.
You don’t want to be caught off guard after hearing the footsteps of your children entering the room. That will be a scary/scarring scene for your children.
8. Leave Surprise Notes
Surprise notes or cute reminders are another great way to revive your sex life after the baby has arrived. Do you remember how during the dating days, when you usually send your partner cute messages with hidden signs of affinity? This is the time to start it.
Slide a note on your partner’s computer table or keep it on the towel while he/she is showering. You can even keep it in the briefcase, side pocket or text some cute inviting message slightly displaying your motives, *wink*
This will cheer up the mood more and will encourage him/her to finish the work obligations as soon as possible.
9. Build Intimacy
Whenever intimacy is mentioned, a lot of couples tend to narrow it down to sex alone. Intimacy is all about a very close relationship with your partner.
Bathing together, eating together even washing each other’s hairs seem like very little things, but they can help foster a great level of intimacy between you and your partner.
Intimacy would bring you both closer, it will make your sex very passionate too because sex between partners requires so much love, closeness, and strong emotions. Always remember, for you to enjoy a good sex life after a baby arrives, you must keep intimacy at the top of your priority list.
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Sexless marriage after a baby is one of the most miserable things any couple can ever face. You and your partner must maintain a good sexual relationship. This is because, for any relationship to work, intimacy must be present.
Fortunately, now we’ve taught you everything you need to know on how to manage sexless marriage after a baby, you don’t have to put your marriage on the back burner.
Hopefully, with the tips mentioned above, we believe that you’d be able to manage it and have great sex just like you used to before childbirth.