Every mom who has nurtured a child from an infant stage has a story to tell about the difficulties of getting them to sleep without being held.
Due to the long months of cuddling up with their mothers, babies become so used to being cuddled up to sleep, and sometimes getting them to stop isn’t easy.
Are you a mom or caregiver thinking of how to get your baby to sleep without being held? Then this article is for you.
Here we discuss sleeping training, possible reasons why your baby does not like sleeping alone, and tips on how to get him to sleep without being held.
What is the Sleeping Pattern of a Newborn?
Several factors can influence when your baby is ready to sleep through the night; this includes whether they are bottle-fed or breastfed, what type of sleeper you choose, or even their temperament.
There are different sleeping patterns for different babies – some start sleeping more prolonged earlier, whereas others take their sweet time.
Any mother with more than one child can likely confirm this since sleep patterns vary among siblings!
Do not give up too soon. By six months, most babies sleep through the night for long periods. Establishing a routine for bedtime can help this process go more smoothly.
Why Your Baby Doesn’t like Sleeping Alone
Once a baby becomes used to being held before sleeping, learning to sleep on its own becomes difficult.
Sometimes it is beyond just a habit, and some of the following may be possible reasons why your baby finds it challenging to sleep independently.
1. Baby Is Used To Being Held Before Sleeping
This is usually the common reason for many toddlers’ inability to sleep without being held.
They probably learned the habit, and because of the warmth and safe feeling they get when cuddled, it becomes difficult to sleep without feeling the same warmth and safety.
2. Due To Moro Reflex
A Moro reflex is a reflex born with babies. It occurs when a baby is startled from sleep by movements or sounds around it.
It happens so that when your baby is startled, its arms, back, and neck are extended.
A Moro reflex is also known as a startle reflex and can be avoided if the baby is placed carefully when being put to sleep.
When placing the baby to sleep, start with the legs first, place the bottom, and then the head.
3. Baby is Uncomfortable
Discomfort sums up every other reason your baby finds it hard to sleep on its own, and here are possible causes of distress in babies during sleeping hours.
Tiredness
Sleeping habits are learned from 4 to 8 weeks; by then, whatever routine you introduce your baby to will stick.
If it is used to staying awake for longer hours, it will get quickly exhausted and will be very uncomfortable trying to sleep on its own except when held.
Wrong burping technique
Burping gives a soothing feeling alongside pushing out air bubbles from your baby’s stomach.
If your burping method does not push out some air bubbles, the amount of air in your baby’s stomach may cause some discomfort.
Read: 13 Best Ways To Burp a Baby
Hunger
No doubt hunger makes one very uncomfortable. Babies cannot communicate through speech, so every action is a form of communication.
Your baby may be hungry and unable to sleep and try to communicate with it with incessant cries or yawning.
Heat
Heat causes significant discomfort and can even wake up a sleeping child.
Internal clock
A baby’s internal clock begins to develop at 12 weeks; before this time, trying to get them to understand when to sleep and when to be awake is difficult.
Overfeeding
Overfeeding causes as much discomfort as hunger and can lead to a lack of sleep.
Reflux
Reflux occurs when the stomach acid is splashed into the child’s esophagus due to the sphincter’s weakness between the stomach and the esophagus.
This reflux can lead to heartburn and pain, causing discomfort in babies.
Read: Best Formula For Acid Reflux & Gas
Helping Your Baby Sleep Alone
As soon as you identify the likely cause of your baby’s unusual attachment to you at night, you can work on solving the problem.
The issues are easy to handle in some cases. All you need to do is adjust your baby’s feeding and sleeping schedule to see improvement if they are overfeeding or taking naps too close to bedtime.
We’ve been there before. We know how difficult it can be when your baby reaches out their tiny arms and cries for attention while all you want to do is close your eyes for a few hours.
Perhaps it’s time to start looking into sleep training or self-soothing techniques if adjusting their schedules doesn’t help.
Sleep Training, What Does It Mean?
Sleep training involves creating a naptime routine for your baby so that your baby knows when to sleep and when to be awake.
For a more effective result, sleep training can begin as early as four months when babies generally start to sleep for lesser hours of the day so that by the time they’re grown, their body is already used to the routine. They no longer have difficulty sleeping on their own.
What Sleep Training Methods Should I Use?
There is no one best way to sleep train, but many parents find that one or a mix of the following methods works for them:
Crying it out (CIO)
In the crying it out the method of sleep training, also known as the extinction method, you place your baby to sleep and let her cry until she falls asleep without any comfort or assistance from you.
Once you’ve ensured your baby is asleep with a full stomach and in an environment safe for her to rest, you will not go into her room until the following day or until the next meal.
Although it may seem harsh, CIO is much harder on you than your children. You should see your baby’s sleep pattern improve within a few days (three to four nights).
Ferber Method
Allow your baby to cry for a set period before checking on her with the Ferber method. This method is a type of graduated extinction or check-and-console.
Until your baby falls asleep, these timed crying intervals get longer by a few minutes with each interval.
You’ll gradually lengthen these intervals throughout several nights, reducing your presence in the baby’s room and allowing your baby to do more settling down work.
Your baby will soon be able to self-soothe so that these comfort check-ins will be unnecessary.
Chair Method
The chair method may be more effective for older babies and more comfortable for you and your baby than cry it out or Ferber.
All you need to do is to sit in a chair next to your baby’s crib until he falls asleep, without picking him up. Move the chair closer to the door, then out of the room.
Your baby should be able to fall asleep without your assistance at that point. This method, however, will not work for babies who are unable to put you out of their minds until you are out of sight.
While this technique may be ideal for some families, be aware that it may result in more tears for some babies.
When your baby falls asleep with you in the room, he may be startled and upset when he wakes up, and you’re not there.
Bedtime Fading Method
Is your child wailing for long periods before falling asleep? His body may not be ready for sleep at the time you specify.
You can use this method to change his circadian rhythm and get bedtime to where you want it. Here is how you can do it.
- Keep an eye out for your baby’s sleep cues (eye rubbing, yawning, turning away from lights or sound, fussiness).
- Please put your child to bed when he appears tired.
- Hopefully, he’ll fall asleep quickly, but if he cries a lot, take him out of the crib for a set period (say, half an hour) and try again.
- After a few nights of putting him down at that time, move bedtime forward 15 minutes and repeat the process with this new bedtime.
- Gradually advance your bedtime by 15 minutes until you reach your desired rest.
Bedtime fading can also refer to any sleep training strategy that involves gradually reducing a parent’s presence in a baby’s room when putting him to sleep.
Pick Up, Put Down Method
This sleep training method usually involves going through your baby’s regular bedtime routine and then putting him to bed drowsy but awake.
Wait a few minutes after he starts crying to see if your baby calms down. If not, go in and comfort him. Place him back in the crib or bassinet once he’s calmed down.
Rep until your baby falls asleep. Keep in mind that this sleep training method can take a long time and requires a lot of patience.
Read: How To Sleep Train Twins
How To Get Your Baby To Sleep Without Being Held
Getting a bedtime routine redirects a child’s internal clock, and it automatically becomes easy for it to sleep on its own once bedtime is approaching.
Here are the solutions on how to get your baby to sleep without being held.
1. Create a Sleep Routine
Before you begin sleep training, you should establish a bedtime routine first. Once you’ve figured out what makes your baby sleep, use it to get him to sleep during bedtime or nap time.
If it’s a pat on the back or lullabies, once nap time approaches, lay him down and use them to put him to sleep.
Routines are beneficial to both babies and parents. It never hurts to start working on a bedtime routine, but keep in mind that babies don’t develop the ability to follow one until they’re 6-8 weeks old.
You can begin as soon as your baby is born! Just be prepared for the routine to be disrupted regularly for feedings, cuddling sessions, and other speed bumps.
Setting up an early routine is more of a haphazard practice to get yourself, your family, and, eventually, your baby into the habit.
2. Observe Your Baby’s Internal Clock
Taking note of your child’s sleeping pattern will help you devise a better sleep routine for it.
Please take note of what makes them sleep better and improve on it. You should use it with lullabies, back-patting, music, or a serene environment.
3. Don’t Keep Baby Awake Too Long
At every age, babies have a time frame within which a certain amount of awake time is either too much or too small.
Babies begin to stay awake for longer hours when they are about four months old.
Before this time, they can sleep for 2-3 hours after staying awake for an hour every day. Anything above this can distort their sleep pattern.
4. Let Him Lie Down Awake
If your baby goes from sleepy to awake when you put him down, don’t be pressured to pick him up again.
He might be able to fall asleep on his own if you give him some time. And since he’s not crying, there’s even less reason to take him out of his crib or bassinet.
He might surprise you, just allow him to lie down, even if he is awake. If he starts fussing, you can try a pacifier or simply let him try to soothe himself.
5. Use White Noise or Music
Keeping the room completely silent invites unexpected noises, which will startle your baby awake. Instead, use white noise to keep off those noises.
They will not only keep off the sounds, but they will also remind him of the constant sound he heard while in his womb.
You could use a white noise app or buy a white noise machine here.
Alternatively, download and loop a static music file on your mobile phone, or switch on your regular fan or heater.
After you put him down, the white noise will add a constant hum to encourage continuous sleep.
6. Stroke Your Baby’s Face
Are you concerned that your baby will be startled and throw a fit the moment you put him down awake? To help him relax, try this simple trick:
- After putting your baby down while awake, stroke his cheek and forehead until his eyes close.
- You might stroke his brows or run your finger from the bridge of his nose to the top of his head. Stroke his cheeks gently from nose to ear.
These simple touches may be all that is required to keep him tired until he eventually falls asleep. Sure, he still requires your assistance to sleep, but at least you’re not holding him the entire time.
7. Introduce a Pacifier
If your baby fusses, you can introduce him to a pacifier during sleep time. The sucking gives a feeling close to babies’ natural soothing feeling when sucking on a nipple, and soon enough, he’d sleep off.
Read: How To Keep Pacifier in Newborn Mouth
8. Keep Your Hands on Your Baby after Putting Him Down
One of the great feeling of being held in contact with your body is the warmth on your baby’s chest as it presses against yours.
But as soon as you put your baby down, this warm feeling disappears, leaving your baby exposed. To recreate that sensory experience, try the following trick to make the transition easier:
Place him down just as she begins to sleep, but keep your cradling arm wrapped around her body and your other hand on her chest.
If possible, keep your chest lightly touching your baby, as if you’re still hugging and holding him lying down.
Then, as he falls asleep, slowly remove and slide your cradling arm from beneath him while keeping your other hand on his tummy.
Finally, take away the other hand so he can sleep alone.
9. Put Your Baby to Sleep in a Snug Place
Snug places give warmth and comfort to babies. Your baby is likelier to sleep in a snug place than in an open space.
Related Posts:
- Can Babies Sleep in a Freshly Painted Room? Explained
- 6 Months Baby Wakes Up Every Hour – 7 Tips To Help You Cope
Take-Home
If your baby is having difficulty sleeping on its own, try to figure out why. It could probably be something as minor as hunger or a wrong sleeping position that leaves its body hurting.
But if you found out that he has gotten used to being held before sleeping, apply the suggestions in this article on how to get your baby sleep without being held to help him enjoy nap time even without being cuddled.
