Why do husbands change after having a baby is a question any woman who is in love with her husband will like to know.
Normally, relationships among couples change after an increase in their family size which is caused by the birth of a new baby.
Do not think that your partner does not love you anymore. Researches have shown that couples are less happy when they welcome a newborn, but there are practical things you can do to reorient your relationship after parenthood.
In this article we discuss some of the ways marriage changes after a baby, and what you can do to keep your marriage strong.
- 1 Do Husbands Change After Having A Baby?
- 2 25 Ways Marriage Changes After Having A Baby
- 3 Why Do Husbands Change After Having A Baby?
- 4 What To Do To Keep Your Relationship Strong? 4 Helpful Tips
- 5 Take-Home
Do Husbands Change After Having A Baby?
Change is a constant factor in the world and like death it is inevitable, there could be a positive change and sometimes there could be a negative change.
Remember that when a new baby is born, the size of the family changes, the dieting changes, the schedule and routine of the family changes.
The parent’s activities also change to adapt to the new situation of the presence of a newborn baby.
For the change not to affect or threaten the love you and your husband shared, all hands must be on deck to ensure that the presence of your baby does not cause a rift between the two of you after the arrival of the newborn.
25 Ways Marriage Changes After Having A Baby
After the birth of a baby, there tends to be fatigue and tiredness most especially on the side of the new mom, this could be as a result of sleep deprivation while tending to the needs of the baby.
All this could cause tension and issues in the marriage as the sleep-deprived parent becomes restless and easily irritated. Here are several ways marriage changes after a baby arrives
- Sadly, your partner won’t be your number one anymore… rather he’ll be a very strong number two! Just for the meantime, anyway.
- You may consider divorcing your partner each time he complains about ‘babysitting’ while looking after his baby.
- While your body hormones return to normal, you will be ultra-sensitive to every comment your husband makes. You may feel he is body shaming you a hundred times a day whilst implying you are an unfit mother, but he’s isn’t.
- You’ll intentionally down a bottle of water, just so you can wake up your husband during night feeds and ask that he gets you a drink. How can he get all the sleep?
- At times you’ll feel like your husband is doing everything wrong. This may probably make you feel frustrated.
- You’ll find it much difficult to feign sympathy for your husband when he returns home from a stressful day at the office. Besides, it’s not as if anyone was sick in his mouth.
- The moment when your baby poops in his diaper just as your husband comes in from work it will feel like you’ve won the lottery.
- You or your partner will feel like you are doing absolutely everything around the house. Both of you may start keeping track of who has done more nappy changes. Writing down the information for your next argument.
- You are confused why your husband doesn’t leap upstairs to check for kidnappers each time there is noise over the baby monitor. It could be that the cat has entered your baby’s room. You never know!
- He will think that you are overreacting about this parenting thing. What would a kidnapper be looking for in the nursery?
- You will be jealous of your husband not having to deal with body changes during pregnancy. During bedtime as you lie next to him, in underwear that covers every possible stretch mark, and belly fats you will envy him for having the same body he had two years ago.
- At least a small part of you will be jealous that your husband does not have a breast. Especially for midnight feeds.
- When asked someone ask you how many times a week you have sex these days, you will answer, “What, every week?!”
- When you do manage to have sex with your partner, no time for foreplay and lovemaking like you did on your honeymoon. This time it will be quick, quiet, and probably end abruptly at the sound of screaming over the baby monitor.
- Your matrimonial bed is no longer a place of romance, cuddle or sleep, for that matter. Most of your disagreements now revolve around deciding who is the most tired.
- Sometimes, you’ll envy your husband heading off for work, while you spend your maternity leave wiping vomit, snot, and sick off your breasts and washing baby clothes.
- You will realize you guys don’t agree on everything. Especially when your baby is involved, this will cause all sorts of problems.
- As much as you want to, often you will be too tired to put in the effort for your relationship (but this should only be temporary! Please seek professional counseling if it becomes an ongoing or serious problem).
- Your husband may compliment you more easily; you just have to be wearing a top without sick on to be told you look nice. Wash your hair and you’ll probably leave him lost for words.
- Your couple time at the end of the day will be more fun and cheerful than ever, but you’ll probably spend it with at least one of you passed out on the couch.
Why Do Husbands Change After Having A Baby?
By nature, women are conditioned to show care and babysit while biologically men are not gifted with babysitting but this is not an excuse for complete abandonment of the babysitting duties to the wife.
It is no longer news that some men change after the arrival of their babies. There are a lot of reasons why husbands change after having a baby and they include
1. Some Of Men Feel Abandoned And Sidelined:
It is normal for a woman to be carried away with the parenting duty and tending to her baby, she may not remember that her husband has needs to be met, and most men tend to change when these happen.
According to lilmama514, she says “our challenges came from not having the time and attention for each other as we did before”.
My husband travels for a living, so each time he comes home, he would want 100 percent of my attention, but he had to wait or end up trying to talk over a crying baby and, now, chatty baby. That was hard for both of us.
2. Sexual Needs:
Man is a sexual being, the arrival of a baby and the aftercare takes a lot on the woman. Usually, a woman has to wait for about six weeks after giving birth before having sex.
And honestly, once you got the go-ahead from your doctor, you may not feel ready to do it yet because your body has been through a lot.
Thus she may not be ready to satisfy her husband’s sexual needs, the partner may start exhibiting some characters that could affect the marriage.
3. Frustrations and Helplessness:
Becoming a new dad can be a huge thing for the man emotionally. Sometimes it can be frustrating and one feels helpless.
Men are not conditioned for this and sometimes it causes changes in the behavior of the husband, as there may be more arguments and a tendency to avoid discussions so that it doesn’t end up in an argument.
4. High Level Of Expectations:
Most men do not understand that there is an extra parenting job on the part of their wives and they still have a high list of expectations and demands from their wives and when these are not met, they tend to start changing gradually though sometimes unconsciously.
5. Money Matters:
According to Lauren Newman, she said that “I had always worked and made more money than my husband,” Then, after our baby arrived, I took some time off to stay home and finish my degree.
We were paying for childcare, and I wasn’t bringing anything to the table. I felt guilty and thought I should take on most of the housework which meant I wasn’t writing and Jim got annoyed.”
Having a new baby in the family can be challenging for first-time parents, they may feel that they are no longer at the forefront of their partner’s mind; this can make them feel sidelined.
What To Do To Keep Your Relationship Strong? 4 Helpful Tips
It is no longer news that the birth of a baby may cause a kind of tension in the once blossoming relationship enjoyed by couples before the arrival of their baby. Here are lists of what you can do to make your relationship stronger like before.
1. Having A Positive Approach:
You should understand that procreation is one of the gifts of marriage and every couple would want to carry their child, so you should know that theirs no gift that doesn’t come with a price.
Try not to let your baby get in between you two. Remember, you and your partner were both crazy about baby, and there’s no reason either of you should get hurt because of it.
With this in mind, you both will decide on the best method to use, to ensure that neither of you is sidelined by the assumed new responsibility. Parenting should be a joint task and if both couples understand it this way, they will be successful.
2. A Good Sense Of Humor:
Humor can be a good remedy in a tense situation, at least to placate the tense or angry partner and to get the situation under control, because if both parties are angry at the same time, it may cause a problem and further aid the rift.
3. Show Understanding:
A husband should understand that his wife’s attention is divided between herself, her husband, and her baby.
Of course, you don’t want to rush into have sex with your partner if you’re not ready, try to communicate with him about what’s going on so he doesn’t think the lack of intimacy is their fault or that it’s going to be like this forever.
This is the key to any relationship and if you want your ship to continue sailing, you should be able to have unbiased conversation devoid of blame or criticism, with the intent of getting the family to status quo.
According to Peterson “No doubt, money is a huge stressor for new parents”. She stated that first-time parents, who may be new homeowners or considering buying a house, are often overwhelmed by finances.
Of course “You’re not going to take out your frustration about money on your baby, so you lash out at your partner.” She advises parents to take a step back and communicate frankly about what they want for the family or themselves.
“Often there’s a partner who would want to stay at home for a year instead of working, but is afraid of the cost. However, there are a lot of remedies to financial problems,” she says.
One suggestion is to try living on one salary for six months when you and your partner are both working. Open a separate account for the money you two are saving.
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I hope this article has given an in-depth discussion to answer the question of why do husbands change after having a baby.
It is important to know that the changes are not sudden, it is a gradual process, and to save your marriage and reignite the spark, you and your partner need to go back to the drawing board so that your marriage can still be as blissful as before.