Telling your parents that you’re pregnant is one of the scariest things to do as a teen. Once you’ve learned the news, you might feel confused, scared, or shocked.
In your mind, you’ll be thinking “oh no! how did this happens” You promise yourself next time you’ll be so much more careful.
If you don’t know how to tell your parents your pregnant, follow these practical steps, you’ll be on the right track to having an open and honest conversation with your parents and knowing what to do next.
How To Tell Your Parents Your Pregnant
1. Plan For The Talk
No matter how wonderful your relationship with your parents is, you’re going to think about“how will my parents react?” It’s fair if your parents are aware that you’re sexually active and they are comfortable with it.
But it’s another thing if they’ve advised you against dating or if having premarital sex is totally against their values and beliefs.
Usually, almost all parents fall somewhere in the middle. For instance, some parents have pretty liberal values but they’re still shocked when they realized that their teen had sex. Even parents who are aware that their teens are having sex still found it disappointing or worried about their teen’s future.
Also, your parents’ personalities can influence they’ll react. Some parents are very easy to talk to or calmer in the middle of a crisis.
While some parents are more emotional, easily stressed out, more likely to be furious, shout or cry, or raise their voice to express themselves.
Most parents want to be there for their daughter who is pregnant or their son who got a girl pregnant, even if they are angry or upset at first. But a few may react violently to the news allowing their anger to get out of control.
If your parents fall into this category for example, if they have a history of physical abuse, it’s best advised to have someone else with you when you tell them.
Some parents may not show any feeling at first. They may take time to process the news while others may react quickly and there’s no mistaking how they feel. Some will pay attention and be sensitive to your feelings.
Some parents will spring into action, taking charge and advising you on how to handle the situation. Always think about how your parents have reacted to other similar situations.
Then imagine how they might respond but keep in mind it’s impossible to know for sure. Still, thinking about what to expect from your parents can help you feel prepared for the talk you plan to have.
2. Be Prepared For The Talk
Think thoroughly about what you’re going to say. You must properly communicate with your parents.
Even though the news will seem like a blow to your parents no matter what, you can ease the blow by sounding as articulate and mature as possible when you’re having a conversation with them. Here are few things you should think about:
- First, find the words: You might want to say, “Dad/Mom I have something difficult to tell you. I found out that I’m pregnant.” Then hold on and maintain eye contact. Allow your parents to process what you said.
- Be ready to deal with the reaction: Ok what happens next? Will your parents be furious, stressed, or emotionally exhausted? Will they lecture you? Use harsh words? Ask loads of questions? It’s very important to think ahead about what you might do next and how you may feel. For example, if a parent raises their voice on you, you’ll want to be prepared so you can keep the conversation productive and resist any urge to yell at them back. Of course, every parent is different. Many may not yell. If parents have a strong reaction at first, they simply want to help their children. Lots of teens are surprised at how cool and supportive their parents turn out to be. Also, it can help when you come up with words like, “Dad/Mom I know you guys are upset with me,” “I know this isn’t what you wanted for me,” or, “I know this is the last thing you guys expected of me” these words can help your parents be more calm and understanding. The secret is you must be honest and speak from the heart while you maintain eye contact. If you say what you think your parents want to hear at that time or make statements just to calm them, it might sound fake.
- Give your parents time to speak without jumping in: Now this is very important, listen carefully to what they have to say. Let them pour it all out if they have to.
- Tell them how you feel. Part of your talk should involve telling parents how you feel. For example, since you’ve disappointed them and you feel sorry about it, you should say it. Let them know how disappointed you feel as well, too. You can use words like, “Dad/Mom, I’m sorry to have disappointed you guys. I know you’re upset. I’m sorry for putting you guys through this. I’m highly disappointed in myself, too.” Tell them your fears and worries, such as, “I’m scared because I don’t know how I’m going to handle this, what my friends will think, and what it means about my education.” Or, you can say something like “I can’t believe this is happening to me and I’m not sure what to do.” Putting your feelings and emotions into words takes plenty of maturities and it’s not something everyone can do. Don’t worry if the words don’t come out perfectly as you planned or if you cry or get emotional in the process. It’s important to think about your feelings ahead of time. If you don’t see yourself expressing your feelings out loud, consider writing them down in a letter.
- If you need to, get someone to help you break the news:A visit to your healthcare provider’s office or a health clinic must be on your schedule— not just for your health, but to get more information and discuss the realities of your situation. You’ll want to understand, decide your choices and explore your feelings with a professional. Also, during your visit, the doctor, nurse, or health counselor can help advise you on how to tell your parents. Alternatively, you can ask the health care provider to accompany you for the talk with your parents.
3. Pick The Right Time To Have The Talk
Though it’s important to tell your parents about the pregnancy on time, it’s also vital to pick a good day and time so your parents are as receptive to the news as possible. Here are few things to consider:
- Try not to be dramatic: If you tell your parents, “I have something incredibly important to tell you guys. Let me know when it’s a good time so we can talk?” then your parents will want to have the conversation at that moment, and you may not be ready. Instead, try to be as calm as you when you tell your parents, “Dad/Mom there’s something I want to talk to you guys about. When is a good time to talk?”
- Pick a time when both of your parents are home: Pick a time when you’ll have your parent full attention not when they’re not planning to go out for dinner, to pick up your sister from school, or to entertain friends later. They should ideally be free after the talk, in other to take the time to allow the news process.
- Pick a time when you know your parents are not stressed: If your parents are usually very stressed or tired due to work, wait until after dinner, when you know they’ve loosened up a bit, to have the conversation. If they seem to always be stressed during the week, you should have a conversation with them on the weekend. A Saturday is likely to work better than a Sunday, because, by Sunday evening, they may already be thinking about their workweek.
- Pick a time that works for you: Though you should pick the best ideal time for your parents, remember to factor in your feelings. Pick a time when you’re not too tired after a long week of school, and when you’re not thinking about a big exam or test the next day.
- If you want a third party to be present, pick a time that works for that person too: If you want any other person to be there since this is a very big decision and you should make sure that the will make the situation more comfortable instead of even more unpleasant.
- Don’t procrastinate: Picking an ideal time will help the conversation go as smoothly as possible, procrastinating the talk for weeks because everyone is too busy and stressed will only make things worse.
4. Discuss The Next Step
Now that you’re parents are aware, you’ll have some important decisions to make. Talking decisions over with other people as well can help. Sometimes parents including your boyfriend’s parents, a close relative can offer a new angle or ideas.
Whatever choice you make, it needs to be what you want, and not the other way round. That’s especially true if you’re worried most of the child-raising will fall to you. It’s a difficult task.
Becoming a teen parent can have huge effects on your education, job, and financial future and often your boyfriend’s too. A lot of teen pregnancies end with the birth of the baby. Some teens choose to keep the baby.
Discussing your options is not all that easy, especially if none of them is what you had in mind. Some families always run to a counselor to talk about this complicated situation in a way that lets everyone be respected and heard.
Read Also: How To Hide A Pregnancy For 9 Months
It takes more than one conversation to talk to a parent about pregnancy. Presumably, in the coming months, you’ll have many different feelings altogether.
Sometimes, you might feel surprised. On other occasions, you may be scared or worried. You may feel sad, depressed, or angry at yourself. At times, you might also feel excited, cheerful, and happy.
Some days you might be ready for the day’s activities. Other days, you may feel listless, unprepared, and confused. You’ll have different emotions to go through and it will take time. It helps if you can share all these thoughts and feelings with a parent.
Read Also: How To Discreetly Buy A Pregnancy Test
Be mindful that to some parents, the news that you’re pregnant will feel like a terrible crisis. Depending on their church beliefs, cultural values, or personalities, parents might feel embarrassed, ashamed, or guilty. They might feel angry and look for someone to blame.
Some parents may scream, yell, and use putdowns. In some situations, anger can get out of control. You know your parent and you know your circumstance.
If you need to tell your parents you’re pregnant but think they might react in a bad way that might hurt you, it’s best advised to go with someone when you want to tell them.
If you’re worried about your safety, get advice. A teen health clinic, like Planned Parenthood, or a teen pregnancy hotline can be your guide and steer you toward the things you need.
Of course, not all parents will react with extreme anger. What you should keep in mind is that every parent is different and you know yours best.
Read Also: Safety Tips Every Child Should Know
In The End
I hope this write-up has given an in-depth discussion to answer the question, how to tell your parents your pregnant.
Your parents should have your back no matter what and opening up to them, whenever you can, is a good way to sort through the many feelings and issues that come up.
Your parents can help support your choices and also help you make important decisions. They’re your source of guidance and encouragement.
Sometimes difficult situations can bring people/families together and strengthens their relationship. Sometimes, however, a tough unexpected situation can help a family discover unconditional love, support, kindness, forgiveness, acceptance, unity, and hope in the end.