I Hate My Stepdaughter (5 Helpful Tips To Help You Cope)

When you marry someone who already has kids from a previous marriage or relationship, you may find it a little difficult to adjust to the role of a stepparent.

Because of how different your experiences and perspective may be, you may always find yourself on opposing sides of every discourse.

This is peculiar with female children because they tend to be more emotional and opinionated.

It may make you think, ” I hate my stepdaughter”. If you find yourself in such a situation, this article contains practical tips to help you have a better relationship with your stepkids.

Table of Contents

Is It Normal If I Hate My Stepdaughter?

Living with other humans can be quite challenging, especially if they are not biologically related to you.

There are opposing views that need to be heard over the other. Worst still is the jealousy of being your partner’s favorite among the rest.

This is common with female children because they find it harder to let go and adjust to the new family, including a stranger who has taken the space of their biological parent. And you may find yourselves always disagreeing at the slightest chance.

This can cause you to develop ill feelings towards her, and you may think, “I hate my stepdaughter, ” even if that may not be the case.

While it is normal not to like your stepdaughter, hatred is such a strong emotion that, if not tamed, it can propel you into doing things you’ll regret later.

So the best way to handle any negative emotions you have towards your stepdaughter is to tame them in the best way possible.

Is It Okay To Not Like Your Stepchild?

The relationship between a stepparent and their stepchild differs greatly from that between a parent and their biological child. 

When you are a child’s biological parent, you have had a lifetime to get to know them and form a strong bond.

Typically, stepparents meet their stepchildren after the child has reached adulthood and has been raised by someone else.

In contrast to a biological parent, you have not been bonding and creating a loving relationship with them since birth.

Being a stepparent is hard, and it is normal not to like your stepchild. Sometimes, your stepdaughter or stepson may be intentionally unkind to you, unfairly blaming you for their parent’s separation.

You may have biological children who behave lovingly towards you, making your relationship with your stepdaughter more strained.

The fact that you do not like your stepchild right away is completely normal, regardless of whether you are married to their parent or have only met them a few times.

Even if you develop a close relationship with your stepchild over time, you may never have a bond as strong and loving as with your own children.

It’s not the first time a stepparent dislikes their stepchild, and it won’t be the last time either. It takes time to get to know someone and form a healthy relationship.

Why Do I Hate My Stepdaughter?

There are several reasons why you feel the way you do about different people. 

For some, it could be how they speak to you, their choice of words, and how they behave around you, while for others, it may be that you feel that way toward them.

Whichever the case may be for you, you must first find out why you feel the way you do toward your stepdaughter.

Run an introspective check on yourself to ensure you do not just hate an innocent person, and if her actions make you hate her, try to see if she is not responding to your actions.

Some of these questions will give you a hint about why you feel the way you do toward your stepdaughter:

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How Do I Speak To Her?

Your choice of words can have deeper implications than you intend. 

Considering that you are only getting to know and accommodate each other, you must be careful with your words around your step kips.

If she’s in her teens or a young adult, use a calmer and softer tone with the most polite words possible because young adults and teens tend to be more sensitive and may read deeper meaning into words than toddlers.

Am I Approachable?

Your demeanor around her can either repel or attract her toward you. If you come off as carefree and mean, her defenses would be automatically up, and you’d find her acting very difficult, which can affect your relationship with her and your partner.

Do I Give Her Attention

As much as we fail to admit it, children adore attention just as adults do. And can be jealous when they don’t get it.

Paying attention to little details about her can make her like you in return, and ignoring her can make her stubborn towards you. Ultimately, you’ll also not like her and think you’re developing hatred towards her.

Reasons I Hate My Step Daughter

There are many possible reasons why you may hate your stepdaughter. Having an idea about a few can help you deal with it better because your relationship with your stepchildren can affect the bond between you and your partner.

She Is Intentionally Rude

Nobody likes a nasty person, and it won’t be a surprise if this is your reason for hating your stepdaughter. 

Depending on the circumstances surrounding the marriage between her biological parents, she may blame it on you if they separate and try to act rude to you always.

She Constantly Tries To Steal Your Partner’s Attention

You may find her always trying to spend time with your partner at the expense of your own quality time with them. 

As your partner’s child, she deserves his attention, but if she’s always trying to have him all to herself, it is a deliberate act of getting you out of the way. It is a frustrating experience that can turn you against her.

She Blames You For Everything Going Wrong

You may think blaming you for her parents’ separation is the least she will do, but your stepdaughter can blame you for the littlest discomfort in the home. 

She’ll blame you for her parent’s mood, the weather, her responsibilities, and much more.

She’ll practically try to demonize you and create a false image of you for her parents and siblings. You might hate your stepdaughter if she constantly blames you for everything going wrong in her life, even if it happened before you came into the picture.

Power Play

Knowing that she’s biologically related to your partner, and there’s a higher chance of your partner choosing her over you, she’ll always try to exercise the powers and play a favorite even when it is uncalled for. 

She can verbally remind you about being the favorite or do things that will pass the message to you, constantly pitching you against her partner, which can make you resent her.

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What To Do – 5 Helpful Tips

If you’re finding it difficult to have a smooth relationship with your stepdaughter and wondering what you can do to help, here are some practical tips.

These tips will make it easier for you to deal with the relationship and increase the chances of growing a stronger bond with your partner.

1. Talk To Your Partner

Since your partner is her biological parent, she is likelier to listen to him/her. Explain how you feel and what you think maybe why you feel the way you do towards their child.

Make the conversation as polite as possible to avoid sending the wrong message.

Tell them about how she acts towards you and your response to their actions. And if you have tried to relate better with her.

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She’s more likely to obey her parents over you and may open up about your actions to make her act that way.

2. Understand Her Situation

Once again, this is you putting yourself in your stepdaughter’s shoes and understanding the situation from her point of view.

You must understand she feels threatened by your addition to the family and see things from her perspective. Her reaction to you is a way for her to feel protected, to protect what she has. 

She may be trying to protect her peace or love from her parents. So, you shouldn’t take things too personally, but try to understand her situation and be patient.

3. Talk To A Therapist

Therapy may sound like an obvious option, but to reiterate, the help of a therapist in such situations can help you a great deal.

If you have no kids of your own, you may have it wrong with your stepdaughter. Talking to a professional will help expose some things you may be overlooking.

4. Be Patient

Your love for your partner may make you over-excited and anxious about having a perfect family, but every happy family has their bad moments too.

Sometimes siblings can’t stand each other, and partners have a fallout. However, with time, everything is sorted out.

You may need more time and patience to understand your new family before you can have the type of family you want. 

If your stepdaughter seems difficult at the moment, give it time and be nice to her, she’ll come around eventually.

5. Spend Time Together

The best way to win your stepdaughter over is to get her to trust you. How can she trust someone she doesn’t know? Spending time with her will make her know you better and trust and respect you more.

You can have women talk or talk about your favorite sports and a fond memory of you when you were her age.

You can introduce her to a game she didn’t know before and let her win a few times. That way, she’d befriend you and act more respectfully toward you.

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Is It Normal To Hate My Stepdaughter?

That you love your partner doesn’t translate to loving your kids soon, so it is normal not to like them. But hate is a strong emotion towards kids, especially your partner’s child.

You may not like her for some apparent reasons, which could be the fault of either of you. However, if you don’t like your stepdaughter, there’s no need to try to live in denial, as that will only worsen it.

Be true about how you feel and why you feel that way. Facing your truth will help you deal with the emotions better without ruining the bond between you and your partner.

What is Mini-Wife Syndrome?

The mini-wife syndrome is a situation where a stepchild takes up the role of the mother without being asked to do so. They automatically start acting like the second mother without their biological mother.

What is Stepchild Syndrome?

There have been stories of stepmothers maltreating their stepchildren, even portrayed in some movies and cartoons like the Cinderella story. This makes some stepchildren believe that all stepmothers are like that and begin to hate their stepmom.


You may realize that your stepdaughter gets on your nerves and begin to think, “I hate my stepdaughter” what do I do about it?

Understand that it is okay not to love your stepchildren as much as you love their parents, but hatred is not a good emotion towards people who will be a core part of your life for a long time.

Use some of the suggested tips to address the issue to prevent it from escalating into what may cause your relationship with your partner.