Parental favoritism is a common occurrence especially on the arrival of a new sibling, owing to jealousy, feeling insecure, or attachment to one parent over the other.
Whichever the case may be, if you realize that your toddler prefers dad after new baby arrival, you are dealing with a case of toddler favoritism and we are here to walk you through practical solutions.
Toddler Prefers Dad After New Baby: Overview
Toddler favoritism or parental favoritism is a short period during the developmental stages of a child where they tend to cling to one parent over the other.
This period usually occurs when the family is expecting a new baby or during breastfeeding an infant.
For a small family, the toddler may prefer either the nanny (if any) or the dad, leaving the mother confused and worried.
Parental favoritism can manifest in different patterns like spending more time with the favored parent, seeking comfort from one parent, throwing tantrums with the less preferred parent, or crying whenever the preferred parent is not near.
Signs of Parental Favoritism
There are a range of pointers of parental favoritism which includes the following:
Clinginess to one parent
The toddler will prefer staying close to the favored parent over the other.
Seeking comfort from the favored parent
When they feel sad and cry, they may find their way to their favored parent for comfort.
Throwing tantrums
Throwing unnecessary tantrums with the less preferred parent especially when the preferred parent is not available.
Disobedience
They become disobedient to other members of the family, only taking instructions from the favored parent.
Displeasure
They may easily act displeased at the efforts of the other parent.
Attachment behavior
Due to spending much time with the favored parent, they form a unique attachment that the other parent cannot relate to.
Preference for the parent
They prefer the favored parent to feed, bathe, and clothe them and take them to parks, but wouldn’t do the same with the less preferred parent.
Causes Of Parental Favoritism
There are a host of reasons for parental favouritism which may be why your toddler prefers dad after new baby:
Attachment
Depending on their shared relationship and personalities, toddlers may be drawn to one parent more than the other.
Parent behaviour
Whether knowingly or unknowingly, some parents enable the behaviors of their toddlers through their actions or inactions.
A strict parent will naturally repel a cheerful toddler, while the playful and more nurturing parents will make the child cling to them.
Pregnancy
Pregnancy can form a barricade between parents and their children.
Especially for mothers, pregnancy can become a huge distraction in the relationship a mother has with her child.
Instead of bonding with the toddler, she may be less active than the always-available dad, which will lead to a stronger bond with the dad.
Lack of attention
Maybe due to a busy work schedule or the presence of another sibling, the parent’s attention will be shared with one child benefiting more of the parent’s attention at the detriment of the other.
Handling Parental Favoritism
Handling a toddler requires strategic and amicable methods. Since the toddlers are still struggling to understand the new dynamics of the family, the best approach is to go easy on them.
Always go easy with kids in order not to scare them away permanently.
You want to secure their trust and make them loosen up a bit. To do this successfully, here are some helpful tips for you to follow:
Understanding
Understanding your toddler is the first step to winning them over. Found headfirst without viewing the situation from their point of view will leave you at a frustrating dead end.
Try to insert yourself in their position to know how they genuinely feel, why they’re acting that way, and honestly answer these questions – do they feel insecure?
Are you playing your part well as a parent? Did you unknowingly push them away or are they just being plain jealous toddlers?
By the time you have answered these questions genuinely, you will have a hint of why they act the way they do and know how to proceed.
Validate their feelings
We all have feelings, and we want to be heard and seen. Acknowledge your toddler’s feelings to make them feel heard and seen as well.
Instead of dismissing their concerns or ignoring them when they’re deliberately throwing tantrums, hold them close and let them know that you understand how they feel and it is okay to feel that way.
Encourage bonding
Join in their playtime with the preferred parent. Instead of shying away, create family time and play games together to encourage bonding. You can go the extra mile by letting the toddler choose what game to play and string along.
No comparisons
No matter how wrong they are, do not compare your toddler to a sibling or friend. This will lead to them feeling inadequate, and will eventually tear down their self-esteem.
Set boundaries
You need to understand that irrespective of your effort, some toddlers can be intentionally manipulative and jealous.
In such cases, you have to set boundaries as a family with the favored parent on your side. That way, the toddler will have no option but to act accordingly.
Seek help
There are parenting support groups where you may find similar cases. Sharing your worries can help you feel relieved, and also give you more options on how to handle your toddler.
Network
Build strategic friendships with parents of other toddlers, and create a play time for the toddlers to play together.
Be patient
Since it is just a phase it’ll eventually go away. While at it, do not force the toddler to spend time with the less preferred parent, especially in the absence of the favored parent.
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Conclusion
Bonding is a gradual process that can take weeks or even months to be effective. Instead of getting worried that your toddler prefers dad after new baby, engage in activities that will fuel the bond in the family, that way nobody is left out.